The real risk of a one night stand is not contracting herpes, although that sucks (err, I've heard), or the girl getting attached (you're not that good Don Juan), or even the awkward "so...I'll...uh, give you a call," next morning conversation. The real risk is accidentally giving women what they really want--a beloved article of your clothing.

Whether it's your favorite pair of lacrosse shorts or a t-shirt so soft that babies compare the softness of their butts to it, women will steal it. Maybe it's some sort of estrogenic impulse engrained in their DNA or maybe mothers tell their daughters "Now honey, after you give it up make sure to get your hands on his soccer camp t-shirt from eighth grade." All I know is that women seek out these articles of clothing like a priest on an alter boy. That's the real reason women like athletic looking guys, it's not the abs or the arms, they just know that athletes will have a better stash of broken in t-shirts and shorts.

So how do they repeatedly pull this off? Simple, they wait for the deed to be over (generally they don't have to wait that long) and drop a sly line. "I'm gonna go run to the bathroom, do you mind if I just throw on these shorts and this t-shirt?" What are you going to say, "no?" You're half asleep by now and everything a naked girl says sounds like a good idea.

The truly evil female will take it to the next level. The worst breed of woman to ever slip out of her panties and into your wardrobe is the Hot Hoody Thief. This particular peccadillo usually starts with "I'm cold" and ends with "I'll get this back to you tomorrow," and then you never see your beloved Springfield High School Ice Hockey sweatshirt again. It's gone faster than you came.

The only positive aspect of this crime against humanity is that it gives you an indication of where a potential girlfriend has been. If her closet looks like a locker room lost and found and the number of teams represented is great enough to form a league, then chances are she has had more athletes in her than Madison Square Garden.

To buy more irreplaceable clothing she will steal, visit